Why Young Christians Aren’t Waiting Until Marriage

In an article by Focus on the Family, Carlene Mattson told the following story about her son: “Several years ago, Jeff played in a special Little League for kids with disabilities.  After many seasons of watching from the bleachers and rooting while his big brother played ball, Jeff’s opportunity finally arrived.  When he received his uniform, he couldn’t wait to get home to put it on.  When he raced out from his bedroom, fully suited up, he announced to me, ‘Mom, now I’m a real boy!’  Though his words pushed my heart to my throat, I assured him he had always been a ‘real boy’” (April 1993, p. 13).

Even though Jeff had some misunderstandings about what made him a “real boy,” Jeff understood some unpleasant truths about our culture better than most people.  There is constant pressure placed on us to be what our society has labeled “normal,” “manly/ladylike,” and “cool.”  Especially for teenagers, being weird or different can yield some very negative aspects (bullying, depression, etc).

We could go on for days talking about all of the categories our culture considers “normal,” but I just want to focus on one.  Not long ago a study was done to find out how many single “Christians” had sex before marriage.  The study revealed, “80 percent of unmarried evangelical young adults (18 to 29) said that they have had sex – slightly less than 88 percent of unmarried adults” (National Campaign To Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy).  This is shocking and sad.  Why aren’t young Christian’s waiting until marriage anymore?  I think it has to come back to what we have been talking about thus far, our culture.  Listen to some of the comments from people on this topic:

  • Maria said, “It seemed everyone in my life, older and younger, had ‘done it.’  In fact, I waited longer than most people I knew and longer than both of my sisters, even though we were all Christians and came from a good home.”
  • Lucy said, “Young Christians NEVER DID WAIT.  So this is much to do about nothing. Must be a slow news day.”
  • Johnny said, “This denial of the human condition and realities is hilarious. Might as well fight gravity…”

The comment section was full of comments like these.  Several people were shocked that even 20% had waited until marriage.  Our culture has gotten a strangle hold on people and convinced so many that they aren’t “real men” or “real women” until their virginity is tossed aside.  What a lie!

Scripture is quite clear that sex is reserved for marriage only (Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 6:9; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 6:19; etc).  It takes a real man to save himself until marriage, and it takes a real woman to save herself until marriage.  Even though Jeff had some disabilities, he had a desire to be accepted.  People everywhere have these same desires, but at what cost?  Far too many have given up eternity because of these desires.

Despite what our culture says, a “real” man is the man who follows after God, and a “real” woman is a woman who follows after God.  Let’s never be fooled into thinking otherwise.  Will you take the stand to be a “real Christian” today?

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2 thoughts on “Why Young Christians Aren’t Waiting Until Marriage

  1. I never did well dating as a skinny guy. Not till 30 did I date someone steadily, despite lots of counseling, books, etc, until I found the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. I waited until marriage to have sex. Been married three years and our sex life has been awful because my wife had a lot of hangups. When I talk to counselors now they tell me that no one was supposed to believe the no sex before marriage, and it’s my fault for not checking it out beforehand.

    • I’m sorry you have had so many issues in your life and marriage. You are not alone though. So many in our world today are dealing with very similar issues and many have overcome them.

      It’s hard for me to tell exactly what the problems are in your marriage without knowing the whole story. However, there is something we must remember in all of this: It is NEVER WRONG to do what is RIGHT. The right thing to do is to reserve sex for marriage, and marriage alone. I am appalled that counselors have tried to tell you it’s your fault for believing sex is reserved for marriage. Shame on them. We should care much more about what God thinks than some counselor.

      Let me say just a few quick things here. First of all, don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong for waiting until marriage. Few in our world today show the strength you did. I applaud you for that. Second, just don’t give up on your marriage. Tons of people do this exact thing, and many regret it. I don’t know what kinds of “hangups” your wife has, but chances are very good that they are fixable with time, effort, and God’s help. Third, if you would like to talk more about this I would be happy to. We can continue here or through email if you would prefer. Just let me know.

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