Are You Listening?

Lately, my 3-year-old has decided not to listen to my wife and I, especially when we are getting on to her.  Strangely, I’ve been having flashbacks of my mom’s stern, motherly voice saying, “You’re not listening to me!”  I just can’t seem to remember her exact words though.  I wasn’t really paying attention at the time.

In general, people are not good listeners.  An article reported that people only remember “…between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear.  That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation.  This is dismal!” (MindTools.com).

We need to be better listeners.  Our bad listening skills help create confusion, misunderstandings, arguments, and gossip.  Many issues would never occur if people just listened more carefully.  Here are a few of reasons why it is especially important to be good listeners as Christians.

1. Scripture: The Bible is filled with passages about listening.  Some are about the good and bad results of listening (Matthew 7:24-27; Proverbs 12:15; 13:18, 19:27, Psalm 119:18; etc), but the vast majority are about people who listened to God’s message and walked away with a changed life (1 Thessalonians 2:13; 1 Samuel 3:10; etc).
2. Non-Christians: We need to carefully listen to our non-Christian friends not only because it’s respectful, but also so we can get to know them and find ways to drive the conversation toward the Lord.  This is especially important during a Bible study.  Jesus was the master of turning a conversation toward the spiritual (John 3:1ff, 4:1ff, etc.).  It seems like He was always looking for a way to focus the discussion on God.  This took great listening skills.
3. Worship: Sometimes people don’t take much from the worship services because they simply weren’t listening.  We need to focus on the words of the songs, not just sing them because they are familiar.  We need to listen to the words being prayed and hear the preacher’s message.  It’s impossible to be fully engaged in worship when we mentally detach ourselves and let our minds wander.

So, how can we improve our listening skills?  Here are a few tips: (1) Choose to Pay Attention.  Look at the person speaking, put distracting thoughts aside, and don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal.  (2) Show Them You are Listening.  Face the person, look them in the eyes, nod, smile, and show facial reactions.  (3) Provide Feedback.  Summarize what they said and ask questions.  (4) Be Polite.  Allow the person to finish speaking without interruptions and counter arguments.  (5) Respond.  Ask a question, make a statement, clarify something you don’t understand, or give any other appropriate response (Tips are from the article referenced above).

The benefits of good listening skills are limitless.  It can help our spiritual lives, our marriages, and our friendships.  Let’s strive to not just hear words and sounds, but to actively listen.

Ignoring Advice from Grandad

Recently I ordered several teen related books to add to my library.  As they arrived, I looked through the books and checked for any major problems.  As I was thumbing through the book Boys to Men: A Christian-Teen Survival Guide, written by members of the church like Kyle Butt and several others, I noticed a note tucked inside the front cover.  The note read, “Jack.  This book will be a very good guide for your life.  I hope you will use it for that purpose.  Love, Grandad.”

After I read this touching note, I began taking notice of the book’s condition.  The front cover was in great shape except for a little bit of wear on the corners.  The binding was in perfect condition and didn’t look like it had been broken in.  Every page was crisp and didn’t have a single mark on them.  While it’s possible Jack was a very careful reader, the book didn’t show any signs of ever being read.  Not to mention, this book is now located in my office instead of the teen boy’s room.  All indications point to Jack never reading this book or heeding his Grandad’s advice.

Whoever this grandad is, I give him a standing ovation for trying to keep his grandchildren in a right relationship with the Lord.  The book he gave his grandson is a good book filled with sound spiritual advice.  I don’t know what Jack’s spiritual condition is now, but I certainly hope he made better decisions for his future.  The evidence seems to suggest that Jack ignored good spiritual advice from his grandad.

What about us?  How do we respond to sound spiritual advice?  Typically, people don’t like their flaws pointed out.  We get set in our ways.  Sometimes it is very hard to listen to advice when it calls for us to change.  However, according to Scripture, we would be very wise to listen to such advice.  Notice the following Scriptures:

• Proverbs 19:20 – “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days.”
• Proverbs 12:15 – “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”
• Proverbs 6:20-23 – “My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother; bind them continually on your heart; tie them around your neck.  When you walk about, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk to you.  For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; and reproofs for discipline are the way of life.”

While not all advice is good advice, one can never go wrong when giving sound spiritual advice from Scripture.  We need more people who are willing to step out and invest in others’ relationships with the Lord through sound spiritual advice.  But more than anything, we need to be the kind of people who are willing to use and accept this good advice from others.